I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
