margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If that was your dad, he is hot
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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