It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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