normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
