i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
