She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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