it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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