hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
