Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
