I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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