just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
