So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Mom said you looked used
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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