Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
