I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
