I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
