tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
