It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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