I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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