Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
