This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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