I hate all girls vehemently.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
