i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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