He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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