I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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