You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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