just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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