her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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