The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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