Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
