she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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