i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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