He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
