Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
