i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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