Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just high enough for therapy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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