so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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