And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
