I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
