let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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