I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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