who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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