The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
