i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
