Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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