the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He felt like a one man threesome
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
