btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
