How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
