: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
