while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
