im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
