Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
