just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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